Unclear Path

Hi my name is actually not Tyler, but you can call me that. I am 17 and I am a senior in high school. I live in Texas. I go to church every Sunday and I altar serve. I also will soon start teaching CCD classes for 4th graders. I am gay or queer, but I’ll stick with gay to make it simple. I love god. I really do. Most days I’ll just be doing anything and all of a sudden I see or experience something so beautiful or amazing that I can’t keep myself from wondering in awe of God.

The only problem is that I am lonely, and I have a yearning for a connection with another person. I have my connection with God which tbh could be stronger, but I’m working on it, and it makes me hopeful and happy. However the struggle comes from most gay guys I’ve met not being followers of God, not being out of the closet, or not being serious. It seems at my age the only other 6 gay guys that are out of the closet are not compatible with me and or only want sex.

I have had sexual encounters with other guys before and they made me feel dirty. However my attraction to men doesn’t make me feel dirty and I’ve had boyfriends in the past that I didn’t feel dirty with when we hugged, cuddled, or kissed. Those relationships ended due to forces either of our control.

I think I know what a good relationship is supposed to feel like and I’m excited to live a catholic life with a husband and maybe kids.

I’m just so uncertain on how catholic my life can be since our church doesn’t support gay marriage.

I love God and love or at least try to love everyone around me. I only hope that everyone begin to love more.

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7 Responses to Unclear Path

  1. Pete Hart says:

    Hey Tyler

    My name is not really Pete either but I’m 19 and Catholic from a very strongly religious family. I’m so lost! I’ve been told the my orientation(I’m gay as well) is not compatible with my faith and yet I can’t resign myself to a life of lonliness. I hate myself for it, I feel so dirty and dammed. I was suicidal last year and I’m Catholic!!!! I love Christ, my God and want to dedicate my life to pleasing him but I can’t. Anyhow thanks for your post.


    • Raul says:

      You’re not dirty and definitely not damned. God loves and accept every bit of you, no matter what. Stay close to your faith.

  2. Jeann says:

    You have a pure heart. Keep your sexual identity and keep doing what you are doing. Eventually, you will find someone special who shares your value.

  3. Kaleb Cabe says:

    I completely understand this. In fact, i converted to Catholicism becauseofmyvpartner. Ithink theproblem is with gay culture. If youregay with religious convictions then that’s a bad thing because you are a sheep in the midst of wolves.

  4. D.G. says:

    i wouldn’t normally post on forum type websites like this but, its surprising to see that there are other people out there that believe and are trying to live both as a catholic and a gay/bi man. i am not much older than you, i am 20 and also live in texas, and i still find it hard to live as both. my family unfortunatly is not understanding and i face lots of tribulations, i feel alone a lot of the time and crave true connections where i can be true to myself. fortunately i have made friends along the way and although they are few, they keep me strong and sane sometimes, well that and my faith. knowing that no matter what god loves me and having a connection with him makes me feel better it keeps me going. i don’t have all the answers for myself, i don’t know if its possible to have a husband and kids and still be catholic, but I’m willing to try. i find hope in knowing that one day things will be better. i hope things get better for you, i just wanted you to know you are not alone and that i will also keep you in my prayers.

  5. Jeff Jobs says:

    My name is jeff (not really) and I am 18 years old. I am in a devout Catholic family and know the true teachings of the Catholic church on being gay, as I am gay. About 6 years ago I knew I was, and have hid it ever since. I did have a few sexual relationships with other guys, and I regret them greatly. The past few months, something incredible happened. I stopped watching gay porn and masturbating. I went to confession. Though, I’m still getting temptations, I no longer lie to myself saying, “You know, God would be fine with you getting married to another man, after all he did make you this way.”
    I know, and fully believe in the church’s teachings now. Marriage was made for a man and a woman. If a man marries another man, he is living contrarily to that of the Catholic lifestyle. Though I have thought about this, and wanted this, I know it is not right.
    I think it’s incredible to come on this website and see all these people who are struggling in very similar ways. Please let me know if you read this, guys. We may struggle, but we’re all struggling together.

  6. Anthony says:

    I understand how you feel. And I wish I could find a boyfriend, to have a emotional relationship with, not sexual. But I didn’t met anyone who wanted the same stuff as I did so I never had a boyfriend…

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