My Cross

Written by Joseph:

This is the first time I am openly sharing this, as I believe that being honest with myself will help my healing process.

Consciously or not, I became aware of my homosexual attractions at 14, when during a school camp I realized I liked looking at the body of one of my, shall we say, more physically endowed male classmates. Over the years I became addicted to masturbation and gay porn, even experimenting with one of my close friends at age 17.

When I was 16 I became involved with my local church youth group. When I was confirmed later that year I thought that shutting down my SSA would become easy. I was so wrong. It only got worse, as the incident with my friend above a year later would prove.

Eventually, I was conscripted into the army ( its compulsory in my country for guys to serve 2 years in the military). My SSA got worse. Surrounded by men in such an intimate setting, I fell deeper and deeper into sin. My buddy in particular. I was secretly attracted to him and would sometimes fantasize about him in dirty ways.

Eventually, I graduated from Basic Military Training and, several months later, here I am, about to complete my Infantry Sergeant course. My SSA is still a big problem. I do try to contain myself but then self-control is easier said than done.

I do not want to give up. May God grant me the strength to battle my addictions and my disordered desires. I would like to ask you to pray for me, dear brothers and sisters, even as I pray for all of you who go through similar struggles as I have.

May the Grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you all.

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9 Responses to My Cross

  1. Barry Sherwin says:

    Joseph, I am a gay catholic, and I am not ashamed at what I am. The Catechism of the Catholic Church says “Who made me”, then it gives the answer “God made me”. If God made me, then he made me gay, if he made me gay, he will accept me as gay.
    The rules about Same Sex Attraction are made by people not God. If God made me, he loves me, irrespective of whether I am gay, straight or transsexual. The Catholic Church will try to tell us that we have an illness, but this is the way God made us. I am not ashed to be gay, sometimes I’m ashamed of being a Catholic, but I will never stop loving God, because I know God loves me in return, and I have proved this over and over again during my lifetime.

  2. Jeff says:

    Catechism of the Catholic Church on homosexuality: 2357-2359. Here, you will see that the Catholic Church teaches that acting on homosexual desires is gravely immoral.

  3. Logan Weist says:

    The reason the Catholic Church is against homosexual marriages is because God made man and women to be in full union with each other, body and spirt. 1605 Holy Scripture affirms that man and woman were created for one another: “It is not good that the man should be alone.”92 The woman, “flesh of his flesh,” his equal, his nearest in all things, is given to him by God as a “helpmate”; she thus represents God from whom comes our help.93 “Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother and cleaves to his wife, and they become one flesh.”94 The Lord himself shows that this signifies an unbreakable union of their two lives by recalling what the plan of the Creator had been “in the beginning”: “So they are no longer two, but one flesh.”95

  4. Logan Weist says:

    Homosexuality is a cross that is given by God, so they can live a life of chastity with him. I suggest checking out

  5. Jane says:

    I 100% agree with Barry. God made us who we are, and loves us.

  6. Ben says:

    Sexual attacks are the most aggressive. Do not be deceived by the lie of the evil one. Pray the rosary fervently, avoid popular media that may cause you to fall into sin. God wants you to fight this war against your soul. Take heart, pray fervently, and remember that saints are sinners as well.

  7. I Get It says:

    Just be a good person. You’ll figure it out. God bless you. No judgement here – only empathy, prayers and understanding.

  8. Josh says:

    Do the best you can, that’s all God asks of us. As others judged you, so shall they be judged.

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