Written by Joseph:
This is the first time I am openly sharing this, as I believe that being honest with myself will help my healing process.
Consciously or not, I became aware of my homosexual attractions at 14, when during a school camp I realized I liked looking at the body of one of my, shall we say, more physically endowed male classmates. Over the years I became addicted to masturbation and gay porn, even experimenting with one of my close friends at age 17.
When I was 16 I became involved with my local church youth group. When I was confirmed later that year I thought that shutting down my SSA would become easy. I was so wrong. It only got worse, as the incident with my friend above a year later would prove.
Eventually, I was conscripted into the army ( its compulsory in my country for guys to serve 2 years in the military). My SSA got worse. Surrounded by men in such an intimate setting, I fell deeper and deeper into sin. My buddy in particular. I was secretly attracted to him and would sometimes fantasize about him in dirty ways.
Eventually, I graduated from Basic Military Training and, several months later, here I am, about to complete my Infantry Sergeant course. My SSA is still a big problem. I do try to contain myself but then self-control is easier said than done.
I do not want to give up. May God grant me the strength to battle my addictions and my disordered desires. I would like to ask you to pray for me, dear brothers and sisters, even as I pray for all of you who go through similar struggles as I have.
May the Grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you all.