I’ m 21, you can call me Jessica.
I want to share my story with you.
I grew up in very traditional catholic caring family full of love. When I was about 7 years old (I can’ t remember exactly the age) I saw explicit pictures of men and women for the first time.
I can remember that I was interested in female body and from early age I was sometimes sexually attracted to girls, but I think I couldn’t realize what is really happening because I’ve never fell in love with a girl, emotionally, I was attracted to boys!
In primary and high school I was very shy and boys in the class just have never noticed me. Those in primary school were rude, arrogant and immature, they even didn’t want to talk with girls at all. Every guy i ever liked haven’ t feel the same.
I truly fell in love in one boy but I didn’t feel enough sexually attracted to him.
It’ s very bad and confusing feeling to realize that you suddenly become more sexually (and maybe emotionally/ romantically) attracted to one girl than to a guy who you were deeply in love with…
You must know that I believe in God and I consider it as the most important thing in my life, the essence of my existence. I go to church every Sunday and I’ m fighting with pornography on daily basis and questions such as “is it better to die alone, to marry a man because the Bible said so (and have mental problems, to fell really bad about it), or be happy with some woman?, what would my Jesus tell me?”
I’ m still finding myself but it’ s taking too long…
God bless you all!