Hi I’m Mr. Anonymous. I’m 24 years, and I’m struggling with sexuality and my beliefs. I’m what you called a cradle catholic, I have always been catholic and although I have doubted my faith at times, I have prayed and I know that I’m at the right place. My parent have been married 24 years and I have to younger siblings and I’m the oldest.With that being said, I really don’t recall what or how everything started with being confused. All I can remember is when I was around 10 I felt different but truly did not understand why. It was until I was 12 when I started to look at porn and started to question myself. Without realizing I was going into gay chat rooms and talking to older guys and even getting to meet them. I would fantasize about being in a relationship and having sex with them, but never did anything.
It was until around when I was 18 when I had my first relationship and where I had sexual encounters with my partner. I was happy or so I thought, the relationship did not last long, and after that all I could think about was having sex with other men. Something about being with other men just ignited me and made me feel pleasure like no other. When I was around 20 I met another man about 4 years older than me, I was real close to moving out with him and although I felt attracted to him I knew it wasn’t right. My parents found out about everything and both of them told me that they could not have a child like that, they disowned me and that they could not live knowing I was choosing a homosexual lifestyle. Hearing all these words were hurtful, and made me truly evaluate myself. I loved my parents and family far too much than what I felt about being with another man. So I left everything behind and started to live a more Catholic like lifestyle.
Although I was trying I would still feel a sexual attraction to men. I did date women, and for some reason I didn’t feel uncomfortable I just didn’t know how to treat them. Maybe because all I had dealt with was men that it never crossed my mind that women should be treated differently. I never have been in a committed relationship with women, nor have I been sexual with them. All I can feel is sexually attraction to men, but an emotional attraction to women. I want to follow God’s path and I pray and try my hardest to stay away from feeling anything towards men, but even when I try I slip and find myself doing and being part of things that I am not suppose to. I ask myself what or how should I stop feeling like this, I just want stop feeling like this. My entire life up until this day is being married to a women, and having a family, and I just don’t know what to do. My family loves me and wants the best for me, and I also trust in the church’s teachings and what had to go through, that leaves me not wanting to live a homosexual lifestyle. That is why I ask for help!