I want to do the right thing…help!

Hi I’m Mr. Anonymous. I’m 24 years, and I’m struggling with sexuality and my beliefs. I’m what you called a cradle catholic, I have always been catholic and although I have doubted my faith at times, I have prayed and I know that I’m at the right place. My parent have been married 24 years and I have to younger siblings and I’m the oldest.With that being said, I really don’t recall what or how everything started with being confused. All I can remember is when I was around 10 I felt different but truly did not understand why. It was until I was 12 when I started to look at porn and started to question myself. Without realizing I was going into gay chat rooms and talking to older guys and even getting to meet them. I would fantasize about being in a relationship and having sex with them, but never did anything.

It was until around when I was 18 when I had my first relationship and where I had sexual encounters with my partner. I was happy or so I thought, the relationship did not last long, and after that all I could think about was having sex with other men. Something about being with other men just ignited me and made me feel pleasure like no other. When I was around 20 I met another man about 4 years older than me, I was real close to moving out with him and although I felt attracted to him I knew it wasn’t right. My parents found out about everything and both of them told me that they could not have a child like that, they disowned me and that they could not live knowing I was choosing a homosexual lifestyle. Hearing all these words were hurtful, and made me truly evaluate myself. I loved my parents and family far too much than what I felt about being with another man. So I left everything behind and started to live a more Catholic like lifestyle.

Although I was trying I would still feel a sexual attraction to men. I did date women, and for some reason I didn’t feel uncomfortable I just didn’t know how to treat them. Maybe because all I had dealt with was men that it never crossed my mind that women should be treated differently. I never have been in a committed relationship with women, nor have I been sexual with them. All I can feel is sexually attraction to men, but an emotional attraction to women. I want to follow God’s path and I pray and try my hardest to stay away from feeling anything towards men, but even when I try I slip and find myself doing and being part of things that I am not suppose to. I ask myself what or how should I stop feeling like this, I just want stop feeling like this. My entire life up until this day is being married to a women, and having a family, and I just don’t know what to do. My family loves me and wants the best for me, and I also trust in the church’s teachings and what had to go through, that leaves me not wanting to live a homosexual lifestyle. That is why I ask for help!

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4 Responses to I want to do the right thing…help!

  1. Gregory says:

    Know that you are not alone. There are many of us who are struggling with the same issues; and the hardest thing is that very few heterosexuals understand what we go through.

    You mention that you pray, which, of course, is very good; remember our Blessed Mother, and ask for her help. I strongly encourage you to find a good priest and make a good Confession, and make sure to go every week; and receive Holy Communion as often as possible. I can vouch for the efficacy of a good confession: I hadn’t been for some time, and two weeks ago had the chance to confess to a very good and holy priest, and his advice was invaluable: remember that we live in a hypersexualized society today, where everything revolves around sex and pleasure; the world does not support celibacy–childlessness, yes, but not celibacy; life is not all about sex, remember that St. Paul extols the celibate life, and remember that it can often be the most rewarding.
    I have often been told that the more one is tempted to sin, the more Satan wants you in his power, the more God has chosen you as an instrument and to work for His Glory.

    Remember, though, that none of us is perfect: you may continue to have these feelings, and you will fall, you are human, after all, but remember that when you do fall, Our Blessed Lord is there, in the Sacraments, especially Confession, to help you get back up again.

    I also encourage you to try to make a holy hour in the presence of the Blessed Sacrament (exposed if possible) at least weekly. You don’t have to be constantly saying things during that time: the best thing to do is just sit/kneel and be with Our Lord. Remember that He who is Love loves you as if you were the only person alive.

  2. Mason says:

    Hi my name is Mason I am 17. I am gay. I do not feel dirty or sinful when I am close to other men around my age in an emotional way. I have only felt dirty through lustful actions. If you are doing things out of love those things are out of God because God is love. Follow your heart and find love with another man and you will also find God.

  3. Mitch says:

    Hello Mr. Anonymous,
    My name is Mitch (not really) but I read your story and i just wanna say, dont suppress who you are. If you are gay, or bi, dont try and repress that and put your feelings in the back of your mind, or else you will live a miserable life, with no satisfaction, because your mind will always be clouded with thoughts of “what if” or it may even begin to depress you in the future. Until you figure out what you are, dont get in any committed relationships, because if you get into a committed relationship with a girl, and realize, there is no physical attraction, and that you are interested in the same sex, you will just break her heart completely. Please remember, there is nothing wrong with being a homosexual, its nothing you can control, and many scientific studies prove that your sexual orientation comes down to your genetic wiring. Dont allow your religion, your family, or even your friends to stop you from being happy. You deserve to be happy, and you deserve to be able to live the rest of your life with the person you love, male or female. That being said, just do what feels natural, if you’re attracted to a guy, and that guy is attracted to you, go for it. Its 2015, barley anyone is going to say anything to you about it, and if someone does, its because they’re bitter in their life, and they never explored their urges, and now, its coming back to bite them in the ass. I cant bare to see people who repress their urges and live horrible, non-fulfilled lives, so, please just explore every urge your life gives you (unless that urge is to do something illegal).

  4. John says:

    I have these exact problems man. It’s so weird to find out other people have to deal with the same depression I have to.
    My greatest desire is to have a wife and children. To have my own real family. I can’t stand it when I see one and tell myself that I’ll never have that. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve cried, thinking I’ll never be able to hold a baby in my arms and say that he’s my son. I’m terrified of not having that.
    I know that the Catholic church teaches homosexual actions are grevious sins. And I understand why. I have made terrible mistakes in the past and although I feel lonely right now, I felt way more lonely living in this lifestyle. Although it feels right to be with another man at first, it will never really work out; it is impossible.
    I know that God has a specific plan for us, and I don’t know what it is. But I’m trying to put all my trust in him, knowing that he’ll ultimately give me happiness. I don’t know if this helped, but it’s ultimately what I have to give. You can email me and maybe we can help each other out. Jpplummer33@gmail.com

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