I think I’m bi but I don’t know what to do?

By Mariana

I’m a girl, and I know I am definitely attracted to boys. However, I think I am also attracted to girls… but I don’t know what to do or who to tell!

I can’t tell my parents because they will be disappointed that I’m not the “perfect child.” I can’t tell my brother because he will judge me for it. I can’t tell my catholic best friend because she might never want to hang out with me if she thinks I like her that way (I don’t, by the way, but she might be uncomfortable staying at my house). I can’t tell some of my more liberal friends because they don’t understand my faith and will want my to reject my beliefs (which I would never do!).

To make matters worse, my mom doesn’t ‘believe’ in bisexuality. She thinks they are even more ‘confused’ than people who like only the same gender. If I tell her that I like both guys and girls, I don’t think she would respond well…  she would probably just tell me that it’s a phase. I’m fifteen, after all, but I’ve started to have crushes on girls since third grade and realized it in seventh grade. I know that it is not a phase.

I love God so much but I don’t know what to do! Hiding this has started to affect my mental health and I’m relapsing into depression and anxiety. I don’t know how to reconcile my bisexuality and being Catholic. I love God, and I put Him first, but I also want to live my life honestly and come out to my friends and family. I’m terribly afraid of being judged.

If anyone has any advice, please let me know. Thank you in advance and God bless you!

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3 Responses to I think I’m bi but I don’t know what to do?

  1. Ellie-Jade says:

    I hope this’ll but I’m too confused to give any real advice. I’m going this a similar, if easier, situation. I’m sure I’m bisexual but my family is’nt religious at all really. I never went to Church as a child outside of school (I’m 15 now as well) and feel drawn back to the Faith. So I’m basically going through the reverse of what you are – I know my family will mostly accept my bisexuality (they’re VERY liberal) but I’m scared of what they’ll say if I want to start going to Church regularly – they’ll probably accept it but not understand it. Anyway I’m really confused about this as well only my faith feels fragile at the minute and I’m battling between religious teachings and previously held liberal beliefs. Anyhow, as a fledgeling Catholic, I’d say that you should follow the Church teachings of not taking part in homosexual sexual acts. We are at least lucky that, as bisexuals, we have the chance to marry men one day (plus I feel a strong calling to have children). This does NOT mean you should hide your sexuality though (but don’t rush coming out either). Perhaps you should tell your friend about it and that you’ll try to avoid same-sex sexual acts – she may be really supportive in helping you. If she isn’t then she’s abandoning you in a hard time (which goes against Church teachings) and she doesn’t desurve you. We’ll probably both be leaving school soon and going to college/ university (if you’re British). It’s a big world – you’ll find people who’re going through the same thing, just hang in there, you’ll make it. Please reply if you can – we could figure this out together, I don’t know about you but I really need someone to discuss this with. 🙂

    • Mariana says:

      Hey, sorry this is so late, but I’m back again!
      First of all, merry Christmas! Second of all, I’m very happy that you are interested in the Roman Catholic religion, and I wish you the best of luck with that.
      I have found that most of my liberal friends are pretty accepting of religion, even if they don’t understand it; what I try to do is explain my beliefs in a way they can connect to. I don’t know if that’s helpful or not, sorry.
      As of right now, I have come out to three people: one was the aforementioned best friend (she took it super well!), the second was a pretty liberal friend of mine (she also took it well; she has two gay uncles and one is Catholic and hispanic, like me), and a priest at confession.
      So I’ve heard very conflicting responses to homosexuality in the Catholic church. Some say it’s a sin and I’ll go to hell, others say I’m simply confused, and others say that God is accepting of who I am and who I love.
      When I was coming out to the priest, I was very nervous and was dancing around the topic, but I finally spit it out and the priest said it was okay, that God loves me for who I am and that Pope Francis himself said, “who am I to judge?” I had to ask him to clarify actually if it was ok to date other girls, and he said it was.
      I’m mean, I’m still slightly confused and worried that the priest is wrong, but I feel slightly better now.
      I hope you are still down to having a conversation about this!
      Merry Christmas!
      P.S. I’m American, actually, so I won’t be going to college in another two and a half years.

  2. Jo says:

    Just be yourself, sweetie. Don’t be so hard on yourself. God loves all of us.

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