I Need Help!

Hi, my name is Brandon and I’m gay. I have always wanted to marry a man and live the gay lifestyle, but I want to be a faithful Catholic and do what the church says is right for me. How can I tell myself that the church is right about homosexuality? It’s hard to accept what the Catholic church has to say because I am surrounded by people and a society that says that the church is wrong when it comes to being gay. How do I deal with the temptations of wanting to date other men and get married to one? How do I live a gay celibate Lifestyle in today’s society??

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21 Responses to I Need Help!

  1. Mikey says:

    Hey Brandon,

    I don’t wants to burst your bubble, but you can’t be “married”, at the least you can have a civil agreement. It’s just how it is. Did you thought about having a special friend? I means a guy who love you for who you are, he treat you nice, he care and he’s loyal. It’s very important to be loved, but that doesn’t means it’s going to be easy, you see only Jesus is perfect. But I’d say try to find a guy who wants to be your friend. If we don’t have fellow gays friends, we can feel isolated, but having a good friend who share your special moments, can certainly makes life easier and more happy.

    • Rick says:

      You confuse the Sacrament of Matrimony with the secular contract of marriage. You aren’t bursting any bubbles, you are just simply mistaken.

  2. Chandra says:

    I think you should pray on this and talk to a trusted priest or church member. I know I will get flames for this, but who says you must compromise. I know the church calls it sinful, but the church is run by men based on God’s teachings. The Bible states that men shalt not lie with men after the dietary laws no catholic follows and in the destruction of Sodom and Gemorrah (many scholars and most Jews believe the sin is actually inhospitality, not homosexual acts). There is also a passage in the Old Testament against spilling one’s seed, which is against masturbation because at the time the Isrealites needed to increase in number (be fruitful and multiply). I seriously do not believe God will condemn you if you have a loving and monogamous relationship. But it is up to you to do your research, pray, and find peace for your soul. God Bless!

    • Eaine says:

      The Church is run through the Holy spirit through Men. Homosexuality is a sin its written in the bible many times as an abomination to GOD he will have to drop the sinful lifestyle if he truly wants Gods forgiveness. Otherwise he’s living as a hypocrite.

  3. James says:

    Brandon, I know that I have to resist the easy temptation that is in front of me to have a gay lover. God calls me to understand sex and marriage relationships are for procreation. Same-sex just doesn’t fit the puzzle or biology. As far as my heart and dealing with that, I try to have very strong and deep male relationships that fulfill my desire to be close to men. With strong and real friendships, I get real bonding and soul to soul intimacy with out the gay sex. I understand that this is what Jesus and His Church are calling us to. We can do it – one day at a time and with His help.

    • Robert says:

      James, okay so marriage is just for procreation… What say you then, when a heterosexual couple cannot conceive due the complications or one or the other becomes reproductively damaged from war or a car accident? Does that then make the marriage invalid?

      • James says:

        “Then Jesus said to His disciples, ‘If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me.'” Matt 16:24

    • Susan says:

      Wow! Very well said, James. God has blessed you with courage and strength and He will continue to bless you for your perseverance.

  4. Chris says:

    I know exactly what your going through Brandon, I see a couple kiss in the mall and I cringe knowing I’ll never have that without disobeying God. It’s a terrible cross for us to bear. Keep your chin up and trust that God loves you more than any husband could.

  5. Breno says:

    It is not an easy task as you know, specially if you already have someone special in your life. Many people who condemn us do not place themselves on our shoes. It is a harder task than waiting to engage sex before getting married, as once you are gathered with the woman you love you can have sex. Choosing this means no sex life for all your life and it is certainly a much heavier burden to carry. But God never told us it would be easy. But pay attention to God/Church’s teachings, they are always right. We live im a hipocrit society that says that people are truly good from the inside and they do not need God to be good. They say that after over one millenium of catholix education, culture and ethical values diffusion. Society is ungrateful, disrespectful and prejudicious toward God and ancient teachings. And for sure people do not mean that, it is not as if they are searching ways to disrespect the Lord. But they do it. And so may us by acting out our homossexuality even if we don’t mean to. It is maybe one of the hardest crosses to carry, but if you truly believe that this is what God wants from you, give it your best… Be humble and know that you may fall, but don’t use it as an excuse to keep falling or to just lie down. Be strong! Wish you the best!

  6. Robert says:

    Brandon, it is possible to be in a loving relationship with the same-sex and believe/love God, why listen to these other men that say you should deny yourself, God wishes you to be fell love and to love. No one but God can judge you. I have been in a committed relationship with another male for the past two years, we attend mass together and we do not see our love as a sin. Yes it is possible to be gay and Catholic, we found acceptance in DignityUSA. Check them out, true love knows true love, not barred by simple minded zealots.

    • James says:

      “Then Jesus said to His disciples, ‘If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me.’” Matt 16:24

    • Jeff Jobs says:

      Hey Robert! I’m not trying to insult your intelligence in any way! Just want to make sure you know the Truth of this matter. The Church strictly teaches that marriage is between a man and a woman. It teaches that the gay lifestyle is contrary to the Catholic church’s beliefs. When you day you do these things and continue to go to mass, you are not acting as a true Catholic.

  7. Robert says:

    Brandon,I am a 35 year old gay army veteran who married my husband 7 years ago in a civil ceremony.It is The Constitution of The United States that endows you with the right to marry the man you love,not the church.I love Holy Mother Church and was confirmed in the military archdiocese,but I know that the sacrament of marriage as far as mass goes will not be for us gay men.We don’t need it anyway as The Constitution provides us with a civil option that cannot be denied us. “Render unto Caesar what is Caesars and unto God what is God’s”-Caesar in this case says you can marry the man you love under the law.Ask yourself this…do you feel like everyone else in your desire to love and be loved?If so than it will never be wrong for you to marry so long as you share those human needs.

    • Susan says:

      Marriage is not a right, it is a privilege. Also there is nothing in The U.S. Constitution that says two men have the right to marry. So, wrong on both counts.
      The Catechism of the Catholic Church states “The number of men and women who have deep-seated homosexual tendencies is not negligible. This inclination, which is objectively disordered, constitutes for most of them a trial. They must be accepted with respect, compassion, and sensitivity. Every sign of unjust discrimination in their regard should be avoided. These persons are called to fulfill God’s will in their lives and, if they are Christians, to unite to the sacrifice of the Lord’s Cross the difficulties they may encounter from their condition.” (CCC 2358). In other words, it is not “wrong” in the Church’s eyes, to BE gay, but it’s wrong to act on it. In the same vein, it is a mortal sin for a hetero couple to have sex outside of marriage. Gays and unmarried people should be celibate in order to be in full communion with the Catholic Church. Blessings.

      • Ross says:

        June 26, 2015. All I have to say about that. Oh and don’t call it a “condition”. Being homosexual isn’t something cured or treated like a medical condition.


  9. Grayson says:

    Hey gurl. I have been out of the closet as a gay man for three years. I am 17. I am catholic. Please don’t hate yourself. Please don’t force yourself to be with women either. I have a boyfriend now that I love very much and we attend church every Sunday as I am an altar server. We are kind and generous people as God wants us to be. God tells us to love our neighbors as ourselves.

    The celibacy is hard. Both of us are Catholics and have a strong faith in Christ. We love eachother very much and we have made love twice before. The thing is it didn’t feel dirty or wrong to me. I was nervous at first, but we’ve been friends for 6 years and been a couple for 2 years so it just felt right. I actually felt like such a display of affection and love between two faithful Catholics would’ve made God happy.

    At the time gay marriage was illegal so it would’ve been impossible to have post marital sex. Now that it is legal maybe we will get married. Love is Love. I feel God can see that. And think of what Jesus would do. My relationship with God is my own and nobody else’s, and honestly it’s never felt stronger than after I consemated my relationship with my boyfriend.

    I love you and good luck on your journey with Christ.
    Love is love gurl.

  10. Jon says:

    As a faithful Catholic male, I struggle with same sex attraction. Celibacy is a great cross to bear knowing we can never show our love for other men. I am also still in the closet, my family is both homophobic and xenophobic, but I have found love and solace in the Eucharist. My relationships with other men are platonic and very hard to maintain due to the fact I am false with them. But I do love them platonically, but am unsure if theyd accept me still if they knew. This is our cross, but praise God for we may unite our suffering to his, and that is how saints are born.
    Officially there is no saint who has experienced SSA, or is a patron to people who struggle with SSA, but unofficially, this has been a struggle since the dawn of Man, Im sure there are some. I pray God let the Church give us an advocate saint, or if none exist, let us become that saint. There is reason for our suffering, and I have faith that God will use it in mighty ways.

    • eugene says:

      There are so many issues here. I am older than you but am similar and have similar feelings. I’m a Catholic from growing up, but am often more comfortable in atheist crows than religious ones these days, but do feel that in my heart of hearts am still Catholic. The thing is, there is so much that isn’t being dealt with or talked about openly in the Church and in Society in general and it is time this occurs. For example, it simply can’t be good for gays to have to hide it from their friends and then enjoy the platonic relationship and that’s all. It should be fine to be open about it and enjoy them anyway.

      Granted anyone – regardless their orientation, and there are many – is not only about their sexuality. We are all “called” I suppose to be more than that. And that seems to me what this is about. But it isn’t okay for married hetero couples to have sex all the time and gay people to have to stay closeted and not even be able to masturbate! There is something amiss there. I agree that it can be a good thing to be celibate and also to not even masturbate. But that is a somewhat difficult path, at many stages in life, and to do so requires guidance — it is like a mission that takes a long time to accomplish. To simply assume that gay catholics are going to be able to do that, and then to say that masturbating is a sin each time you do it, seems like a mix up in priorities.

      Last thing: no SSA saints? Maybe that is the official word, but I am sure it is not true. We do not even know what Jesus felt, let alone the disciples, then literally thousands of saints, many of whom did some very strange things in their lives ! (Stylites, Joan of Arc, etc. ) I think it is safe to assume that SSA is fairly common in the general population (2% seems low, my bet it is at least 5%) and quite common among saints. We are in good company.

      I am going nowhere with this post, just wanted to share some of my thoughts as I read some of the stories here. I am struggling too: I find this situation that arises from my (intrinsic?) Catholicism that invariably I want to be friends with hetero guys (so I don’t have to face the issue of having a gay guy fall in love with me and having to deal with that) but then, invariably, the hetero guy I mostly have to lie to continue the relationship (this is changing, I’m pretty open with quite a few of my friends now) but regardless, they will go on to get married and I am left pretty much on myown. It is hard to maintain friendships in a way that provides some level of happiness. That’s the challenge. I have many female friends too, but I find I am most satisfied with a strong male friendship, and those almsot always come to abrupt ends…

  11. sam says:

    I’m a teen i feel i have gay feelings .i love the catholic church. i am a teen 11 grade. i need a lot of help and prayers

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