My name is Joe. I live in Michigan and am 35 years old. Accepting my sexuality was a very difficult task for me. It was something that I never wanted to be and until I really forced to accept it at the age of 25, I would not even acknowledge that I had an attraction to men. I know you may be thinking that accepting one’s sexuality at 25 seems a little late in life, but I have been told that I was just a late bloomer.
I have always been a quiet person, even when I was a child. I also was a person that would internalize my emotions and thoughts. I would keep everything bottled up inside, not letting any emotions or feelings out. Because I kept everything so tightly inside of myself, I was unable to cry at my sister’s funeral, experience true joy when I won Most Improved Player on the JV soccer team, or express to others how I really felt for them. My sexuality was something I somehow kept bottled up for a good portion of my life, just never really looking for or wanting a relationship with someone else.
When I was 24, these feeling of attraction to a man seem to start coming out. I started to talk to other gay guys online and eventually made a guy. Because I was not willing to accept my sexuality or was unable to express or feel my own emotions like I should have been, I made a really poor decision in who I meet. This resulted in many years of problems following the end of our “relationship”.
Thank God that He was there when everything ended. God let me know that everything in the end would be fine, even though the path that I was going to be embarking on was going to be long and difficult. The journey I was about to begin was one like I never experienced in my life and it was one that I was not really looking forward to taking. I did though believe that God was going to be with me on this journey and I accepted what was about to happen in my life.
While on this journey, I accepted my sexuality. I was able to start expressing myself better and started to feel more of the joys of life. Accepting the fact that I was a gay Catholic has made life much more worth living. I do not hide the fact that I am both gay and Catholic. The people where I work have know that I am both of these things and have never once questioned if it is possible to someone to be both at the same time.
I do believe that accepting my sexuality was something God wanted of me. I now attend Courage monthly and enjoy spending time with the priest that runs the group. I enjoy spending time with the few friends that I have and they were much more accepting of my sexuality and religious few points then I thought they would be. I pay more attention to the little things in life; believe that it is in the little things that God shows us He is with us. I still have my struggles and still working on expressing myself better, but over all I do believe that my life has improved since I accepted myself as being gay.